Essays

  • LOVE, CLOWN CARS, AND “YOUR MOM” JOKES

    LOVE, CLOWN CARS, AND “YOUR MOM” JOKES

    One of the critical building blocks of my marriage to Chris is silliness and ridiculous amounts of laughter. (I know—hard to believe, right?) We get each other, which I think is a spectacular quality to have in any relationship. We’ll ride a joke or pun til it’s completely out of gas … and then we’ll…

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  • The Tell-Tale Snack

    The Tell-Tale Snack

    There are a few dessert items I do my best not to buy. It’s not because I don’t like them—quite the opposite—I will not rest until there are no detectable crumbs left inside or outside the packaging. I can compare the madness only to Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart.” I know that’s hella dramatic, but I…

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  • We Have Gifts!

    We Have Gifts!

    Everyone has gifts. Some are useful and others are just plain amusing. Although the useful ones may help us live our lives more efficiently or creatively, the latter is more interesting.

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  • Optimism and cat photos

    Optimism and cat photos

    I’ve been taking photos of my cats since I had to buy real film for my cheap little Kodak. There was no reviewing and deleting photos. I was damn lucky to get ONE decent photo out of the bunch. I knew this, and still I ordered doubles every.single.time. Why? Because I lived in a world…

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  • Books, neighbors, and an audition at the mall

    Books, neighbors, and an audition at the mall

    When I was ten years old, I was desperate to audition for a kids’ variety show that was part of an afternoon cartoon program I watched in Atlanta. I think it was called The Good Time Gang. I had no idea what my audition piece would be, but it was gonna be a real showstopper.…

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  • Insomnia, Golden Girls, and a beef

    Insomnia, Golden Girls, and a beef

    I experience semi-regular bouts of insomnia, and classic TV seems to be the cure. There’s something comforting about watching characters and storylines I grew up with — they’re like old friends.  Lately, I’ve been rewatching (for the eleventy billionth time) episodes of The Golden Girls. Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia are my late night buddies…

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  • Frustrating comfort, and the Zen of jigsaw puzzles

    Frustrating comfort, and the Zen of jigsaw puzzles

    I’ve always enjoyed jigsaw puzzles, but found myself annoyed when I couldn’t complete one in a single sitting. Plus, if there were sections similar in color or texture, I’d kinda lose my damn mind. So naturally, I took on a 550-piece puzzle of edge-to-edge Lake Superior agates. All agates, all the time. This puzzle featured…

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  • Notes to Myself from Pre-Isolation Me

    Notes to Myself from Pre-Isolation Me

    Here we are, in week 8379459 of isolation. Some people are working from home, we’re eating spaghetti with our hands, and we look like we’ve just returned from a student haircut at the Cousin It School of Cosmetology. Really, who could have predicted our lives would look like this? And we’re all figuring stuff out…

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  • Conversation Between Man and Cat

    Conversation Between Man and Cat

    Chris and I recently took Janet to the vet to check out a lump on the little kitty’s hindquarters. The vet tech aspirated a sample of the lumpy stuff and the vet decided to send it out for testing. We still haven’t heard from the clinic; however, the lump is progressively shrinking. After hearing many…

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  • Bifocals, Birthing, and Bones

    Bifocals, Birthing, and Bones

    I’ll be 49 years old in March. I’m not telling you this because I want you to start shopping for birthday gifts, but because I’m going to be 50 in no time flat, but I feel younger than that — sometimes, anyway. I refuse to wear bifocals because I get motion sickness quite easily, and have…

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