Bifocals, Birthing, and Bones

I’ll be 49 years old in March. I’m not telling you this because I want you to start shopping for birthday gifts, but because I’m going to be 50 in no time flat, but I feel younger than that — sometimes, anyway.

I refuse to wear bifocals because I get motion sickness quite easily, and have heard horror stories about people feeling dizzy, tripping and puking, and tripping on their own puke. I worry I’ll be one of those people. Instead, I carry around two pairs of glasses and my eyes juggle them all day long. It’s the worst when I’m in a restaurant and trying to read a menu. Reading glasses on. Then, I have to look for the restroom. Regular glasses on. When I saw my eye doctor a few years ago, she said my quick-change method is fine for now and when it starts to become too much of a hassle, I’ll be back for bifocals. And then I’ll puke all over her.

My fiancé Chris and I recently moved into a new apartment. It’s in downtown Minneapolis and we absolutely love it. So many things we like to do are downtown — the restaurants, the concert venues, the theaters. And our building is connected to the skyway so when it’s -8734924 degrees outside, we won’t have to freeze our eyeballs off. Did you know that your eyeballs really hurt when they get super cold? There aren’t any cute little earmuff-style covers for your eyes! They’re completely nekkid out there in the elements!

But back to my apartment building. I’d guess about 70% of the residents are in their upper 20s to 30s. Seriously — I could have birthed about half of them. There’s a painful thought. When I see all these young professionals breeze in and out of the building in their fashionable couture, I suddenly feel completely dowdy. I thought I had a current sense of fashion, but now I 100-percent question that. I mean, I like my style and don’t feel the need or desire to change it; however, I’m aware it’s not always what the chic folks are wearing in the downtown skyway.

I love these colorful things and will wear them until they’re threadbare.

I also notice that most of the younger residents don’t say hi or strike up conversations in the elevators. I’ve always lived around people close to my age, so I’m used to some friendly exchanges, but I rarely get them from the younger crowd. Sometimes they don’t even return my smile. Please know I’m not making some sweeping generalization about Millennials because I know it’s not the case for every one. I happen to have birthed two friendly Millennials (again with the birthing), and I’ve seen them legit exchange pleasantries with other humans and they’re fine, upstanding people. On the other hand, the residents who are around my age or older nearly always say hi in the elevator and offer some observation about the weather or something they see in my shopping bag. Now that I think about it, that’s a little bit creepy. “I see you eat a lot of fiber. Good thing you bought toilet paper!” They don’t really say things like that, but they’re probably thinking them. I’m all for fiber. Go, fiber! I’m not aways in the mood to chat, but I notice these things. No judgement, just personal observations.

I had a bone density scan a couple of weeks ago and the results indicate my skeletal region is afflicted with The Osteopenia. That’s the fancy way of saying my bone mass is less dense than it used to be and I could be headed for Osteoporosis if I don’t make some changes in my life. That’s totally cool and I’m down with supplements and weight-bearing exercises. I have to say, though, as I was crossing an icy street last night, my immediate thought was, “Don’t slip! Watch the hips!”

Is the X by my doctor’s single-letter signature a kiss? No, it’s part of a supplement’s name.

Here’s the thing, though: I love my life. Chris and I have an active social life, see concerts regularly, and I love to dance. I couldn’t ask for a more fun and supportive partner, family, and friends. I like my style and at least think about what I’m going to put on my body before I do it. I have great skin! If I ever meet you in person, you’ll have to see for yourself. I’m a moisturizing maniac. I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy and I hope that never changes. I’m pretty skilled in the ways of technology and not afraid of learning new things. Sure, I’ll be able to join AARP in a year or so, but Mom tells me their monthly magazine has great articles and valuable discounts.

I don’t know what’s ahead of me, but I’m in a position to receive all of it (that’s what she said).

XO Angie




9 responses to “Bifocals, Birthing, and Bones”

  1. Julia E Moore Avatar
    Julia E Moore

    I also did the eyeglasses juggle due to motion sickness issues. Finally I got so blind that I had to get bi-focals, and now have tri-focals! Distance, computer, reading. I also have only one good eye – the other is like 20-200 due to amblyopia ( lazy eye ). Last year I had to get cataract surgery in the good eye. That was a fun couple of weeks! So you still have a lot to look forward to!

    I do enjoy your writing!

    1. Thank you!

      Wow — your eyeballs have been busy!

  2. Dale Kerans Avatar
    Dale Kerans

    I am the same with the bifocal thing…tried for some time, but I can never wear them. I had cataract surgery last year and now I don’t need glasses except for reading. So no bifocals for me!! lol Love your page on FB, Drunk Patty is my fave, and please keep on sharing. Makes my day to see each post about Mittens and the gang. Merry Christmas!

    1. Aww, thanks for the nice message, Dale. Merry Christmas to you, too!

  3. Kathleen Muster Avatar
    Kathleen Muster

    Great post, Mittens’ Mom! I’m 71 in actual years but only about 35 in how I feel years. I’ve been there with the bifocals and like Dale Kerans said above, the cataract surgery took care of my vision except for reading and I keep a pair of reading glasses on a leash around my neck for those times. Also had the osteoporosis warning and took something called Boniva for about 4 years. I think my bones are now similar in density to iron rods! Glad you & Chris are so happy with your new place! Hugs to all from me and my 14 Furry Purrhannas! (See me on Facebook – Kathleen Grasha Muster)

    1. Thank you, Kathleen! Purrhannas — LOL!

  4. I just turned 50, so I can totally relate! I was lucky that I don’t get seasick with bifocals–and I got progressive lenses because they actually work better when, like me, you’re working at different focal lengths (computer, reading, driving). Also, I refused to go with lined bifocals because then I’d look as old as I am, not as old as I feel, which is in my 30s until I have a fibro flare, then I feel like I’m about 90. The only problem with progressives is OMG HOLY S%$T SPENDY.

    Also, get ready for your most wonderful 50th birthday present….a shiny, spankin’ new COLONOSCOPY!

    It’s nice to see you writing your observations about your life, and it’s great to see you happy. <3

    1. I think I’ll look at progressives — people seem to like them.

      I’ve had two colonoscopies and hope to hold off for a while! I don’t need THAT much fun in my life. 😉

  5. Amy Schoofs-Rahne Avatar
    Amy Schoofs-Rahne

    I’m 1 month younger and did the bifocals but didn’t get pukey. I am super nearsighted so I just peer over the top. Good idea with the Skywalk! Yes. Eyeballs hurt and it hurts to breathe! Wisco isn’t much warmer even if we are south. I think If you just own your little look and wear it with confidence it will work. Ugh I hate people who don’t smile and nod. My mom was great at making insta friends at bus stops, Checkouts, wherever, I think I inherited some of that.

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