{"id":3669,"date":"2023-10-31T11:05:54","date_gmt":"2023-10-31T16:05:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/?p=3669"},"modified":"2024-01-13T20:05:05","modified_gmt":"2024-01-14T02:05:05","slug":"the-tell-tale-snack","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/blog\/essay\/the-tell-tale-snack\/","title":{"rendered":"The Tell-Tale Snack"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are a few dessert items I do my best not to buy. It’s not because I don’t like them\u2014quite the opposite\u2014I will not rest until there are no detectable crumbs left inside or outside the packaging. I can compare the madness only to that described in Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart.” I know that’s hella dramatic, but I kid you not. I try distracting myself with television, reading, or conversation, but the thoughts won’t stop haunting me day and night. Eat me.<\/em> Just one more piece. I’m still here, waiting for you. Still heeerrreeee.\u00a0<\/em>The words continue thumping through the floorboards of my mind until I can no longer endure the madness.<\/p>\n

Let me tell you of one such instance involving a container of Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Mint Creams. On a whim, I dropped the delicious treats into my shopping cart. Although I piled other groceries on top of the package, the corner of the lid kept poking through, its shiny plastic corner taunting and distracting me. Shortly after arriving home (and before I put away the other groceries\u2014even the frozen ones), I popped the lid and was hypnotized by the minty-ness wafting into my nostrils, hijacking my olfactory receptors. I ate one, then two, then three. Damn that Trader Joe and his irresistible confections!. I must stop. I cannot eat another. I must save me from myself, but how?<\/em> I immediately wrapped the container in duct tape and buried it behind boxes and cans on a pantry shelf and continued unloading my purchases. I’m still here, hiding behind the couscous. Eat me. Eat meeee.<\/em><\/p>\n

My husband appeared to help me put away the groceries and I tried to act calmly, but the thoughts kept drumming in my head. He asked if I was okay. “Of course I’m okay!,” I answered quickly and began pacing back and forth in front of the pantry door. He continued talking pleasantly, but I didn’t absorb a single word he said. He must hear it, right? The minty teasing from the pantry?<\/em> I could take it no longer! I cleared the pantry shelf and snatched the cream mints, showing him the duct-taped package! “Look what I’ve done!”<\/p>\n

He watched curiously (though not surprisingly) as I attempted to tear through the duct tape with my incisors. He reluctantly handed me kitchen shears and I proceeded to free the little creams from their plastic prison. My eager raccoon-like hands dug in, popping mint after glorious mint into my mouth, hoping there were no bits of duct tape stuck in my teeth.<\/p>\n

Why can’t this happen with broccoli?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are a few dessert items I do my best not to buy. It’s not because I don’t like them\u2014quite the opposite\u2014I will not rest until there are no detectable crumbs left inside or outside the packaging. I can compare the madness only to Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart.” I know that’s hella dramatic, but I kid you not.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3672,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"cc_featured_image_caption":{"caption_text":"","source_text":"","source_url":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3669"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3669"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3669\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3674,"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3669\/revisions\/3674"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3672"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3669"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3669"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/angie-bailey.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}