WE NEED THESE PRODUCTS INSPIRED BY OUR GEN X CHILDHOODS

This morning, I saw an ad for soaps inspired by Star Wars characters. They weren’t shaped like Yoda or Chewbacca, but the product names and ingredients were a nod to the cult characters. At first, I was like, “What in the name of Boba Fett is going on here?” After I had my coffee and looked at the site, I discovered the products were clever and probably a good stocking stuffer for the right person, which is not me. I don’t even know who Boba Fett is—I had to look him(?) up. But the whole idea got me thinking about the kind of body products I’d create using inspiration from some of my favorite childhood TV and movie characters. Here goes:

Mr. Roarke’s Botanical Bubble Bath

Ingredients:

  • Locally made Pina Colada mix
  • Notes of plane exhaust
  • Handcrafted mystery

The Sophia Petrillo Exfoliating Face Scrub

Ingredients:

  • Age-defying cannoli filling
  • Comforting “bottom-of-the-purse” Juicy Fruit essence
  • Genuine ashes from the Shady Pines fire

Alice Hyatt’s “Early to Bed” Foot Soak

Ingredients:

A gentle balance of diner coffee and Linda Lavin-der

Baby Houseman’s Hydrating Shower Soap

Ingredients:

  • Watermelon juice
  • Johnny Castle’s dewy perspiration
  • Raw privilege foam

Captain Stubing’s Sexy Sailor Salve

Ingredients:

  • Wisdom of the sea
  • Artisanal spray starch
  • Hints of romantic hijinks

Duckie Dale Unrequited Hair Pomade

Ingredients:

  • Small-batch juice from recycled boxes
  • Tones of bike grease
  • Intense, rain-soaked devastation

Shaggys Spooky Body Scrub

Ingredients:

  • Villainous bodily moisture from the inside of rubber masks
  • Wildcrafted liverwurst sandwiches
  • Ganja

John Bender’s “After Dark” Aftershave

  • Moisturizing tobacco oil
  • Tones of uncracked textbooks
  • Ironically crafted in small batches inside Barry Manilow’s closet

Just in time for the holidays!


Comments

8 responses to “WE NEED THESE PRODUCTS INSPIRED BY OUR GEN X CHILDHOODS”

  1. Even Don Draper could not have come up with this display of perfection. Bravo! 👏

    1. Thank you!

  2. Robin Redfearn Avatar
    Robin Redfearn

    Cruise Director Julie’s Fun in the Sun SPF50 tanning lotion

    A hint of coconut oil
    Pineapple undertones
    Zinc cream

    1. Ohhh! Sounds just like Julie! That’d be a big seller in the Princess’s gift shop, for sure.

  3. Lavin-Der and uncracked textbooks – I am deceased!!

    1. I’m glad you liked it! The Linda Lavin thing popped into my head out of NOWHERE.

  4. Susie Shubert Avatar
    Susie Shubert

    Omg, brilliant. Wildcrafted Liverwurst Sandwiches! 😂😂😂 Jinkies!

    1. Glad you liked it! There’s a wealth of material in Scooby Doo alone! XO

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